You Are Not Crazy: Letters from Your Therapist by Klow David

Author:Klow, David [Klow, David]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
ISBN: 9781942545958
Publisher: Wyatt-MacKenzie
Published: 2018-02-13T16:00:00+00:00

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Dear Joanne: Become Fiercely Loving

Dear Joanne,

I don’t completely get it. How did you make it that many years in a marriage that was so one sided? How did you go for so long with such mistreatment and neglect? I guess that is what we are working on together: to better understand how your marriage became so imbalanced.

What you report to me are endless stories of your loving and giving nature, and how what you received back for twenty years was dishonest, inconsiderate, and lackluster treatment. I know that there are two sides to every story, and that you have been quite honest about how you let the marriage slip away, yet there is no denying that you have a good heart and a caring soul.

So how does someone like you end up in such an unhealthy relationship? Many of us ask that same question. It is a rampant occurrence that good, highly evolved people create relationships with people who mistreat them. It is as if these old souls are taking on projects of less-developed individuals. It is like you are a karmic love missionary out to rescue the weary and downtrodden. Why are there so many of you who are more enlightened but accept crummy relationships with less-than-stellar partners?

It has been an honor to witness you stop this pattern and recover from your divorce. You had already done a lot of the heavy lifting before you came for therapy with me. You had drawn your line in the sand, left the marriage, and taken a stand for your worth and well-being. I am not surprised that you’ve come as far as you have post-separation, yet I still don’t completely get how the strong woman that I see in front of me today put up with such schlock in her marriage.

Perhaps we can dissect that for a moment, as I know that you are not alone in wanting to understand how your relationship transpired the way it did. Most of us don’t go into relationships seeing the pitfalls and imbalances that await us. We usually feel swept up in a connection and, if the timing is right, we build a life with that person. Yet it seems that over time, the true nature of each partner emerges and we live in an arrangement that we didn’t quite see coming. Some pull the ripcord and leave when they see the real person in front of them. Others just accept what they unconsciously signed up for and make the best of it. Still others try everything they can to make it work despite compromising themselves. They jump through hoops, adjust their expectations, work within new parameters, stretch themselves to cover the shortcomings of their partner, regularly rise to the occasion when the other does not, and if need be, find a way to live with years and years of second rate, inadequate love. This third group sustains themselves on the metaphoric junk food of malnourishing love. They are not sustained by their spouse’s love, but find a way to stomach it anyhow.

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